Sleeping With Him

 You see, I came from a long relationship that lacked affection. There was no kind words of affection. There was no cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. The was no passionate sex, or cuddling after sex. There was not much interaction at all. That was my first love. Don't know why. I had no reason to be in love with this man, but I was. ( Guess I was young and impressionable)

Then I went into a serious relationship, where I actually married the guy. Again, don't know why, but I did. He was controlling and obsessive. He actually wanted me all to himself, all the time. For me to go out with friends was an issue. For me to talk on the phone with my mother for long periods of time was a bigger issue, especially if I spoke in my native language. These trouble escalated and eventually led to some abusive behaviors. He wanted me to isolate from the world and my free time outside of work should've been all his.
So, the insulting words began, the threats began, and eventually it got physical. It wasn't a place for me. I knew i deserved better. I left!

A year and a half later after my divorce I find myself with someone new. Someone exciting, who seems to love me for me. He doesn't try to control. He doesn't keep his distance. He is very affectionate. At night time, when we sleep together, he always seems to find me in his sleep. It seems bizarre to me, but it makes me smile. He will reach out for me every time he moves in the middle of the night. I don't know why he does this, but it feels so good. His hands on my skin feel so good. He hugs me all the time, which if you didn't already know releases endorphins. I don't know, but I am finding myself, once again, feeling love in my heart.

Now, I don't want to rush things. I don't want to run and get married. I just want to be loved and see what this love develops into. I think that from my long-term previous relationships I can spot out the red flags, but I hoping I don;t spot any!